Day One

Today is the unofficial first day of my weight loss journey. I've started this blog to document my efforts and record my feelings as I travel along this road.

This morning I stepped on the scale to find that I weigh 168 pounds. I've been holding consistently at this mark for about three months, which is actually pretty amazing, since my eating habits are horrendous. This is honestly not as bad as I thought it would be, but it's still not good. I'm 5'4", so I really should be in the 120-140 range. I think 120 is probably out of the question, since I haven't weighed that since high school, but 140 is totally doable.

I think what I'm looking for even more than the weight loss is the recovery of my self confidence. When I was in high school, I was unique in that unlike most of my female friends, I had a very positive body image. I'm not exactly sure when or why, but sometime just after college, my confidence began to wane.  Over the course of 5 years, my self esteem took a nose dive, and as my confidence plummeted, my weight increased. Then one morning I woke up and was 175 pounds. I was trapped in a pit of self-loathing and despair. My mother-in-law talked me into trying the Atkins diet, and I was able to lose 23 pounds over six months. My confidence started to come back, so I know that losing this weight will give me the boost I need.

So what happened? Why did my weight go back up? I got pregnant with my first child, so I took a dieting hiatus. After delivery, I actually did reach my pre-pregnancy weight again, but as soon as I quit breastfeeding, that went right out the window.

And now here I am again, at 168 pounds and holding. I don't hate myself, but I'm certainly not content. Occasionally I stumble into a rut of depression and self-pity, but I realize that kind of thinking isn't getting me anywhere. I also realize that fad diets aren't going to get me anywhere either. Looking back on it, as soon as I had reached my goal and quit doing Atkins, I would have gained everything back anyway. The only real way to do things is the right way - healthy foods, portion control, and exercise. So that's what I'm going to do. Wish me luck everybody! 140 pounds, here I come!