Weird...

So it seems no sooner than I made the post about not wanting to drink water, a strange thing happened. Today, I, without a struggle, drank two stainless steel mugs full of water. That's almost four cups, I think. Wow! And I'm gonna do it again tomorrow too! But, that's not the strangest thing. You see, for two or three days now, I've been having these - urges. I will, at random, get the desire to do my stretches and toning exercises. "That's great," you say. Except this is completely out of character for me. I don't just decide that I need to exercise at unscheduled times. However, I'm very tempted to give in. I mean, I didn't want to do them more than every other day because you're supposed to give your muscles time to rest and repair, but these are pretty simple exercises, and gosh, the urge to do them is almost overwhelming! I almost think I may have been possessed.

Update: I mentioned the random urge to exercise to my husband, and he says he gets them too. Hmm.

Water Woes, Stretching and Clothes

Here's the thing: I can't convince myself to drink water. I know I need to do it, I know it's good for me, but I DON'T WANNA! Water is just so... so... boring. I guess I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and just do it. Meh. Anybody got any pointers? And by pointers, I mean magic that will turn me into a water-lover.
I decided recently to add some stretches to my daily routine. I'm so glad I did this. Stretching makes me feel so good! I mean, it even makes me feel more energized than my workouts, I believe. All I'm doing is a few simple ones that stretch a little bit of everything.

Is it weird that the reason I want to lose this weight is because I want to look better in my clothes? I guess it's not so out there, since a lot of people want to be able to wear a bikini or cute clothes, or sexy lingerie. The thing is, I don't really mind the way I look naked. I mean, yeah, I have cellulite and folds, but I look fairly proportional - still an hourglass shape (well, maybe a two-hour glass). The problem is, when I get into clothes, they just fit poorly. I look all bumpy, and not in the "my humps, my lovely lady lumps" way. Back in the day, it didn't matter what I wore, I looked good. Now, I find that I pay more attention to the cut or shape of a piece of clothing, and will immediately rule out something because it's not flattering. I'd like to get back to a place where I can dress with reckless abandon. I'd like to dress in whatever and have people think that I'm quirky and fun, not that I got dressed in the dark in a hurry.

Can You Stay for Dinner? A Blog

I ran into a pin on Pinterest which was quite interesting. It linked to a woman's blog about her journey to lose 135 pounds. That's not a typo; she lost one hundred and thirty-five pounds. I've read through a couple of her posts, and I'm thoroughly impressed. She's honest and thought provoking, and most of all, she seems to have found a good balance between her health and enjoying life. She's truly an inspiration, and I can't wait to read more of her stuff. Check out Andie's blog here: http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/

In a Good Mood

I'm feeling phenomenal. Remember all that soul-searching I was talking about in my last post? Well, I have decided something important: I LIKE ME. I really do. I'm pretty awesome, actually. But if I'm completely honest with myself, I'd still like to lose a couple of pounds. AND, I have a motivator to keep  me on task - I have a wedding to attend at the end of March. I'd like to look extra fabulous for this occasion, so I have work to do. However, there will be no more of this yoga/pilates funny business. I'm a pretty traditional girl, so it'll be traditional workouts all the way. Push-ups and that sort of stuff. I tried it out today and boy did it get my adrenaline pumping, so I'm pretty psyched. I'm also gonna attempt to get enough sleep (geez, look at the time, I guess I'll start that tomorrow night), and drink more water. You watch me look smokin' for this wedding! Wish me luck!

I don't even wanna know...

So I'm not getting on the scale right now. I will not even pretend that I've been trying all that hard to stick to my diet/exercise routine. First it was Thanksgiving, then an impromptu trip to NY, so some not very well thought out eating decisions occurred. (Update: I stepped on the scale - only two pounds heavier than before Thanksgiving. Whew!) When I got back from NY, I spent some time doing an inward evaluation on my attitudes toward myself, my exercise, and my eating habits. Below are my soul-searching results.

Now I don't really pay attention to fads, so I was unaware of a movement called "thinspiration." I found out about it on Pinterest (aka, my newest addiction). Needless to say, I got lost in the 'net, and I began reading up about thinspo, eating disorders, self-loathing, and the way they are linked. It seems, by my perception, that a lot of these so-called inspirational photos and phrases place vanity over health by encouraging a nearly unobtainable level of skinniness. Some thinspo is even thinly veiled pro-anorexia propaganda. There is also quite a lot of thinspiration that uses negative reinforcement and not only encourages self-abasement, but envy as well.

No, you need a therapist because you're a rhino trying to be a unicorn.

Now obviously this "thinspo" has received some backlash from those who feel it's damaging to people's well-being. The whole controversy caused me to take a look at myself. Do I want to lose this weight solely for my vanity? Is my depression and poor self-image a result of the media and our society telling me that I'm not good enough because I'm overweight? Should I even continue my diet and exercise plan?

The answer to these questions is both yes and no. Is this for my vanity? Yeah, but I have also noticed that I feel better health wise when I eat better, and my knees don't hurt as much with regular exercise.

Is my depression and poor self-image society's fault? Well, I don't think society helps, but ya know, I was one of the few teens I knew in high school with a positive self-image (which is weird, because that's typically when girls struggle most with that). I have never been perfect, but back then, I didn't give a crap what the media had to say about beauty standards. I just did my own thing with confidence, and somewhere along the road I have lost that. I do think some of the lost confidence stems from my weight gain, since I have always valued my appearance, but I think it may also have come from something else. Somewhere along the way, I lost touch with something integral to my well-being, and until I find it again, or find something new to take its place, I will probably continue to cycle in and out of depression.

Should I even continue my diet and exercise plan? Yes, but maybe not in its current form. I absolutely will continue my daily walks, because I enjoy it, but should I keep on doing pilates moves I hate? Probably not. I'm sure I can find some toning exercises that don't make me feel like an elephant trying to figure skate. As far as the diet goes, it has been said that the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to be willing to make permanent change. What I have been doing is limiting my calorie intake by counting calories. Do I want to count calories forever? No. I also don't want to swear off brownies and cake forever either. When I was younger, cookies and such were a once in a while thing, but when I reached adulthood I said, "Screw that, I'm an adult, I can eat this all day if I want." And I did, and well, we all know how that turned out. So maybe what I ought to do is make a change towards eating more healthy foods on a regular basis (because healthy can also be tasty, despite popular belief). I can save the sweet treats for special occasions, since self-deprivation really isn't for me.

This person has never had cheesecake.

So where does that leave me? In pretty much the same spot I was before. Setting realistic goals, trying to eat healthier, exercising more, trusting my body to get there in its own good time, and practicing self-love and self-forgiveness along the way.

This. Always.

One more

Well, one more pound down for a total of 6! I've also lost 2.5 inches around my waist, and 1.5 inches around my hips. I woke up this morning feeling like I was looking pretty good. Even though I don't really look all that different, I feel confident. More so than I have in a while, anyway.

Today it's raining outside, and it's supposed to rain all day, so I will have to do my exercises on the rowing machine. Keep your fingers crossed that I can exercise self-control during Thanksgiving!

I Forgot!

I mentioned in my last post that I'd let you know if I'd made any progress. Well, I lost five pounds. I hit that milestone sometime last week. That's all to report for right now though. See you around!