My Lawn Mower Broke...

Well, it seems like it's been a lifetime ago since I posted an update. You'll probably be slightly disappointed to know that I have not made any progress toward my goal. I just started over again this week - that's right, FIVE MONTHS after my post of "I'm starting over, I'm tired of being fat, yada, yada." In that five months, I've moved to a different state and been running hither, to, and yon trying to tie up loose ends and start a new chapter of my life, but as much as I'd like it to be, it's not an acceptable excuse. Perhaps it's understandable, but really, no excuse should stand in the way of something you really want. Like my mom-in-law says, "Just say your lawn mower's broke; one excuse is just as good as another." And when you consider that I've spent the last five months in an almost constant state of self-loathing, it's even worse. I can be pretty harsh on myself, and I don't need any help feeling like a failure when I can't get my act together. Needless to say, I beat myself up pretty badly for letting myself go when I was only 12 or so pounds from my goal less than a year ago.

I know now looking back on the past year, I used food to self-medicate because from October to April, my husband was jobless, we had a house we couldn't sell, we were living with our parents, and we were going through our savings faster than you could blink. I resented my husband because I felt he wasn't taking our situation seriously enough, and I resented everyone else for pitying me and giving me the "what you ought to do is..." speech. I got tired of pretending that I was doing alright when all I wanted to do was say, "Fuck this, I quit," and check out from reality for a while. I felt powerless and hopeless, and so food became my one joy.

Once you begin that cycle, it's HARD to break. Which is why, over the course of this five months, I would start my diet, and within a few days fall off the wagon. Or why I'd sometimes say, "I'll start tomorrow," only to have tomorrow arrive, and then I would say once again, "tomorrow." Even now, we still have a house we can't sell, and even though my husband has a job, we aren't rolling in the dough (because of the house we can't sell). I know that as I continue on my weight loss journey, I will have to constantly remind myself that food is not the solution. That pound cake won't sell my house; that soda won't give us a bigger paycheck. I can still have tasty food, but more food won't equal more happiness. I also know it will be tough with the holidays coming up, because I don't want to feel like I'm missing out. However, I think this time I'm back in the right mindset, and I'll stick with it. Cross your fingers for me!

Cinco de Mayo

Happy Cinco de Mayo, everyone! I wanted to go out to a Mexican restaurant today, since I love Mexican food, and today is as good a day as any to go. However, I know how high in calories the Mexican food I like to eat can be, what with the guacamole and the refried beans and the sour cream and cheese and all. Plus, I always like to have a giant glass of Pepsi with my meal, so yeah... I decided not to sabotage myself this early in the game. Instead, I am making some tasty, lean carne asada with black beans and rice and having some whole grain tortilla chips and salsa. I will also be having soda, but it will only be an eight ounce serving. I expect it to be every bit as tasty as going out would have been, only without all the calories.

I'd also like to post a little update. I found a measuring tape and took some measurements on Monday, and I'm happy to say that as of today I've already lost an inch on my waist. My rings aren't as tight as they were before either, but I'm guessing that's because I'm not retaining water the way I was last week. My hands always puff up when I'm retaining water. Either way, I'm happy that I'm making progress, and I'm motivated to keep going.

Yesterday, I bought some multivitamins along with some healthy foods to keep me in check and satisfied. I had a delicious grilled chicken salad for lunch, and today for breakfast I had a whole grain bagel with some turkey bacon. YUM!

Well, that's all for now. Have a happy Cinco de Mayo!

Day two

I made the decison over the weekend that Monday I would begin counting my calories again. Today is day two, and it has been a success. My only complaint would be that I seem to be having caffeine withdrawals, because I've been getting nagging headaches since yesterday. It's unusual, because I've quit caffeine before with no ill effects whatsoever. Maybe I'm just getting old or something.

I have to go to the grocery store soon; Mom doesn't have much I want to eat that's in keeping with my diet. I also need to purchase some healthy foods for my little one, since she's been eating pb&j and chicken nuggets way too often lately. She's somewhat of a picky eater, so I'm hoping if I set a good example, she will follow in my footsteps and try some fruit and veggies.

I haven't been able to convince myself to exercise just yet, but I'm not too worried about that. I figure I'll give myself a week or so to settle into the new eating routine before I take on another healthy habit. Hopefully we'll be moved in to our new space soon, and I can start my routine there.

Well, not to much else to report for now. Keep your fingers crossed that I can make the changes stick!

Procrastination means a new beginning

Well, sadly I'm right back where I started from. I told myself when my husband and I moved in with family while we were on the job hunt that I would resume my healthy eating and weight loss regimen when we were settled in our new location. Little did I know that six months later, I would still not be settled in. I am still living with my parents while we search for housing in the town where my husband found a job. That is no excuse, I'm afraid. I could have, at any point, decided that enough was enough, and I could have taken up my regimen again (albeit with some difficulty, as living with family means I don't get to make most of the food choices). However, I chose not to, and I am paying the price. I will now have to work twice as hard to reach my end goal. I will say, that while I had my bouts of depression over my back-sliding, that I'm not angry or beaten down by the road that lies ahead. I have done it before - I can, and ultimately will, do it again.

I don't really have a starting point to measure right now, because I don't have a scale handy, nor do I have a measuring tape. Trust me when I say that my pants are tight, and I'll be able to gauge my progress by how they fit. I also haven't developed my plan of attack just yet; I'm debating on whether or not to just resume what I was doing before. That is, of course, limiting myself to 1400 calories a day and exercising for 30 minutes daily. Part of me says I should just pick up where I left off, and part of me says I should develop a more detailed diet and exercise plan. At any rate, I have taken steps to ease myself back into my routine. I've been drinking more water and less soda, and I've been compiling an exercise playlist full of  upbeat music that will motivate me to move.

Wish me luck! I will be returning to the journey very shortly!

Hovering

So it's been forever since I've posted anything. Life has been kinda nuts, so the blog hasn't been my top priority. Here's where I am right now - a dead standstill. I had gotten down to 154 pounds, but now I'm hovering between 157 and 158. I added 30 minutes of daily exercise to the mix back in September, but to no avail. Since then, my diet has gone right out the window due to my hectic lifestyle. I'm still managing to maintain my weight, but with the plateau I hit and now the crappy diet, I've been feeling pretty icky. I gotta do something. I can try to improve my diet, but that might be difficult seeing how I'm living with family for the time being, and the holidays are just around the corner. I suppose I'm just going to have to muster up all the self control I can manage. I don't know. I'll figure it all out. I want to lose this weight. I have to.

Week 8 Results

Starting point measurements:
Weight: 168 pounds
Waist measurement: 35 inches
Hip measurement: 44 inches
Thigh measurement: 26 inches

Last week's measurements:
Weight: 157.2 pounds
Waist measurement: 31.5 inches
Hip measurement: 41.5 inches
Thigh measurement: 24 inches

This week's measurments:
Weight: 157.8 pounds
Waist measurement: 31.25 inches
Hip measurement: 41.25 inches
Thigh measurement: 24 inches

So it appears I gained .6 lbs. this week, but my measurements went down, so I'm not sure what to think. I started my period Sunday, and I felt so bloated this morning, so the .6 lbs. could be from that. Anyway, I'm not discouraged, because I was just looking at my starting point measurements. I'm so glad that I've already lost 3.5 inches from my middle, 2.5 inches from my hips, and 2 inches from my thighs. Makes me wonder how tiny I'll be once the other 20 lbs are gone. :)

"Week 7" Results

Starting point measurements:

Weight: 168 pounds
Waist measurement: 35 inches
Hip measurement: 44 inches
Thigh measurement: 26 inches

Last week's measurements:
Weight: 157.8 pounds
Waist measurement: 31.75 inches
Hip measurement: 42 inches
Thigh measurement: 24.25 inches
This week's measurments:
Weight: 157.2 pounds
Waist measurement: 31.5 inches
Hip measurement: 41.5 inches
Thigh measurement: 24 inches

Week 7 is in quotations because this is week is not the seventh successive week since I began my journey. However, I got back on track last week, so I'll be continuing to count from there. As you can see, I'm continuing to whittle down my weight a little at a time. I'm thrilled that I've been able to do it on my own without resorting to starving myself or fad diets.

In other news, I want to give a more in-depth review of the Sketchers Shape-Ups I bought. I've been using them for about three weeks now, and I think I'm starting to notice a difference. My calves seem more toned, and although I don't see a noticeable difference yet, I swear my thighs are also more toned. Even my butt seems a tiny bit rounder. That's encouraging, since I generally only wear them for my daily walk to the post office. I also notice when I walk in them that I seem to get my heart rate up more than I would just walking in regular shoes. Like I said before, they're the most comfy shoes I've ever owned, so I'm happy with my purchase.

Well, that's all I have time for now. I'll try to check in a little later.